


Passive Regards

by orphan_account



Category: The Transformers (IDW Generation One), Transformers - All Media Types
Genre: get ready for some triggity trash
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-30
Updated: 2017-08-30
Packaged: 2018-12-21 16:20:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,430
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11948019
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: A series of passive-aggressive letters can only ever lead to a not so passive relationship.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [1796 Broadway](https://archiveofourown.org/works/972937) by [rainproof](https://archiveofourown.org/users/rainproof/pseuds/rainproof), [teaberryblue](https://archiveofourown.org/users/teaberryblue/pseuds/teaberryblue). 



 

Megs,

_Since you ever so nicely told me to shut the fuck up yesterday, I’d thought I’d put my thoughts into a language you’d understand._

_Not poetry._

_I mean, I tried, but ‘you horrendous asshole, Megacunt’ doesn’t rhyme with anything._

_Now, firstly, I’d like to address that I am in fact captain, so stop sitting in my chair, and get your own office, and stop looking at me as I write this letter._

_I also request that you invest in some kind of breath mint, because whenever you open your mouth I feel like I’m going to pass out._

_Secondly, Ultra Magnus is my second command, so get your own, and stop sending him those weird, coded messages._

_Thirdly, I called dibs on the best seat in the bridge, so don’t rub your cementy aft all over it._

_Fourthly, stop irritating Ratchet. He takes it out on me, which is weird, considering I am an absolute delight to be around at all times._

_(And I know it’s you telling him about my ingenious hiding places; he finds me every time I don’t show up for check ups. Snitch)_

_And lastly, I’d prefer if you called me ‘Mighty Rodimus’. ‘Mighty Leader’ is fine too, but I prefer the first. And it’d be a joy if you’d fall over once or twice so I can declare my true leadership._

Rodimus, ~~Co~~ **_Captain _ ** of the Lost Light.


	2. Chapter 2

Rodimus,

_Was it really necessary to have Magnus deliver this to me? I was sitting right next to you._

_Now, in regards to your ridiculous concerns, I ask that you stop whining about it under your breath every three seconds._

_I also apologise that you can't ever seem to make it to the bridge on time to get your favourite seat. Unfortunately, I only have one suggestion:_

_Stop._

_Being._

_Late._

_And, on a similar note, if you have time to write these idiotic ‘letters’, then you definitely have time to finish the reports I send you._

_I also ask that you stop signing them in crayon, it looks like a child wrote them. (You also have awful handwriting, Magnus keeps complaining. Fix it.)_

_And I suggest you get used to sharing an office with me. Although, I must request that you stop singing those terrible human songs. You’re tone deaf, and it's a pain to listen to._

_In regards to my breath, I’m afraid it's the fools energon that is making it stink so bad._

_Perhaps you should put a peg over your nose._

_And you’re hiding places to avoid Rather are not ingenious, he simply finds you because you giggle._

_Could you possibly manage to have any more complaints? My time is limited, and I have better things to do than watch you pretend to read a datapad as I write this. (You’re optics are supposed to move when you read, Rodimus.)_

_I'm also considering a second in command since you said I couldn't ‘have’ Magnus._

_Now, lastly, I ask that you stop hitting me with your spoiler. I know it's not on accident. And I know you can move them_

Stop talking to me.

-Megatron. 

_P.S (I suggest you remember how far Starscream always made it in his command before he indefinitely failed. Though I do find a similarity between you two:_

_Whiners.)_

_P.P.S (Poetry doesn't have to rhyme)_

 


	3. Chapter 3

_You horrendous asshole, Megacunt_

_I hope you get hit by a truck_

_Stop being such a suck_

 

Megs _,_

_How's that for poetry?_

_I carved it into to my desk for good measure too._

_Now._

_I have to ask._

_Ravage?_

_You chose Ravage?_

_You can't have a cat as your ‘second in command’._

_Don't you have to send some parental permission letter to Soundwave before you can use his cat like that?_

_Now he sleeps under my desk, and he bit me when I accidentally stepped on his tail._

_(Also, I know it's him hissing at me from the vents at night in my quarters. And no, I did not get scared. There a difference between getting scared and being surprised. So call him off.)_

_And in regards to being late, I’m not. Time is an illusion, therefore I’m never late, and Magnus is never early._

_And I tried the peg thing. Everyone laughed. Fuck you._

_Also, I do have a list of complaints, since now you seem willing to listen._

 

_So:_

 

  * __Someone ate my energon goodies. I'm not saying it was Whirl, but it was him. Call the helicopter turkey off, please. I was saving them.__


  * _Someone painted my pedes green. The paints not coming off. Help._


  * _There's a couple that keeps fucking in the storage room. Pretty sure it's Chromedome and Rewind. Although there's also a chance it's Drift and his sword._


  * _Stop leaving everything organised. It frazzles my processor._


  * _Enough with the stupid sticky note reminders you keep sticking on my back._


  * _Why is there a hat rack in my office? Get it out._


  * _And stop hanging your helmet on it._


  * _I won't apologise for throwing my stylus down your ventilations, but I will ask that you go to whatever black hole your stupid body sucked it into and get it back._


  * _I asked you to give me my chair back, but I’d also like the cushions. You took the essence. Fucker._


  * _I told you to stop with the weird coded messages to Magnus. Freaks me out._


  * _Someone has purchased a giant fucking statute of Thunderclash and I’d like it thrown out of the nearest airlock immediately._


  * _Stop rolling your optics during my speeches. You’re just jealous because you never had a cool punchline like ‘Autobots roll out’ or ‘Till All Are One’_


  * _The lights on this ship are all boring, so I suggest we change them all to lava lamps._


  * _Stop throwing your Rodimus Star in the trash._



 

_(I wouldn't have to write in crayon if I had my stylus. It was one of kind. Had flames and everything. And it dispenses pez.)_

_(... Now that I think about it, it may have just been a Pez dispenser)_

_And no, I won't stop singing. I was blessed with an angelic vocaliser. Ask Magnus, he likes my Opera singing._

_Sorry about the spoiler hitting and stuff, been having muscle spasms lately._

_I think I can feel another one coming._

_(And I was reading. Slowly.)_

-Rodimus,  **Captain** of the Lost Light

 

_P.S I didn't sign up for your stupid classes for a reason. Enough with the English lessons._

 


	4. Chapter 4

Rodimus,

_Your poetry, like your grammar, needs work._

_I really would suggest you attend a lesson._

_And yes, you didn't specify who I had to choose, and Ravage is, in fact, a sentient being capable of making decisions for himself._

_He’s also fantastic at telling me that you really did scream like a protoform when he snuck into your quarters._

_As for your list of complaints, I did my best to answer them… politely._

 

  * __If you don't want your energon goodies to be eaten, then don't leave them on the ground. And I’m pretty sure they were stale, so I think Whirl was doing you a favour.__


  * _Paint over the green, Rodimus. It's not that hard. But don't worry, you still look like a piece of lanky carrot._


  * _I heard it was actually Tailgate and Cyclonus doing it in the storage room. Stop being nosy._


  * _I leave everything organised because you leave a tornado wherever you go. I found an old rust stick stuck to the back of your datapad, which was stuck to the wall. And your filing system is a mess._


  * _I put the hat rack in there to piss you off._


  * _I'm afraid my crest has been aching a little too much this cycle, so sometimes I have to take it off. The hat stand is quite useful._


  * _There are about seven other stylus’s in your desk. Use one. And stop chewing on them._


  * _I figured you wouldn't want any ‘cementy’ chair pillows._


  * _I believe you'll have to take that up with Ultra Magnus. He approved the order.(Though the statue does look quite stunning in the middle of Swerves bar)_


  * _You’ll only ever find me saying ‘Till All Our One’ on my death bed._


  * _If you change all the lights to lava lamps, I’m certain a blue minibot would try to eat what's inside._


  * _Where else am I supposed to put the Rodimus Star? I_



 

_(Pez? Is that what you keep throwing at me during meetings?)_

-Megatron

_P.S (No one is going to judge you if you do show up to one of my lessons, you know that?)_

  



End file.
